I'm baaack (back again. She's back. Tell a friend)

So, I haven't written in a while. It is not just that I have been avoiding the blog; I haven't written anywhere, except in my head. There are always quips and prose and run-on sentences chock-full-a adjectives and sarcasm running around up in there. And I have missed it, terribly. More than I actually realized until lately when my very soul felt something missing. And my head is quite possibly about to explode with word/thought/sarcasm constipation. So, here I am. Writing.  I have given my brain a laxative (how's that for a word picture?!) and I am ready for the free flow of everything that's been bottled up for nearly a year. Words. Ideas. It's gonna get messy.

But then I sat and nothing happened. (I swear I did not mean for this metaphor to carry on this long.) Where do I start? I feel almost like I am at a high school reunion, with people I haven't seen in years, and I am worried that I am the fat one or the one with nothing interesting to say. Or that I am nothing like anyone remembers, or exactly the same...

I thought about starting this post by slyly updating you on everything that has happened in the past year-ya know just sneak stuff in there while playing it off like I am not just writing some big update post. Like I thought about saying "I am not going to spend the whole post telling you how we moved 2 times, were slightly homeless for a summer, Peter took a new job and we had a baby". But I decided against being all sly because clearly you are smarter than all that, and clearly you are probably my mom and already know all this twenty times over.

So, where do you start when it is time to restart something you never meant to stop in the first place? I don't know. Obviously. That's why I am in paragraph four still asking. No really. Where do I start?!? Tell me please. (Take the microphone. This toast is getting awkward fast.) I feel kind of like Adele in her new song: "Hello....I was wondering...can you hear me...". Except I can croon so much prettier than her. Just ask Peter.

Okay, now clearly I am stalling. I swear I have stuff to say. Heavy stuff. Pointless stuff. Stuff I think is hilarious that probably no one else does, except my mom. Rap references from the early 2000's, as the title might have clued you in to, or not and I am the only one with an Eminem song stuck in my head. I just don't know exactly how to dive right in. I've never been a "dive right in" girl. I was always a dip the toe in, squeal that it was too cold and there was a spider so get the skimmer and maybe I will try again in a hour girl. I am pretty fun like that. I guess this post is the toe-dip. Sorry if you were expecting a canon ball or a beautiful swan dive. Actually, if you were expecting a swan dive, I don't feel bad for disappointing you because clearly you haven't read my blog enough or talked to me enough in person to know swan dives are a totally unrealistic expectation. Yeah. Maybe next time I will wade in up to my waist and make uncomfortable faces and sputter a few things with voice immodulation issues until I get used to the temperature of the pool water- always, only pool water. So, there's that to look forward to. Stay tuned for sure.

All this to say, I'm back. And my baby is crying. Because I totally did have a baby. And he's pretty sweet.

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