a letter to my daughter–2 months old
Dear Roycie Girl,
In some ways I cannot believe it has already been 2 months since we met you. How are you not a little newborn anymore? In other ways I really feel as if we are old friends and I have known you all my life. I think part of it is you remind me of your brother and sister when they were this age. You look so much like them. Sometimes I look at you while you are sleeping and am transported back in time to sitting in our old apartment watching your sissy sleep in the same pjs in the same bouncy seat. Daddy and I always wondered if we would have a set of kids that looked almost exactly like each other or if we would have kids that all looked very different. I think we have the answer to our question! I think it is kind of sweet and special to see how much you resemble your siblings. I have no doubt though that in a short amount of time you will be very much your own person and I am excited to see your individual personality develop. I think another reason I feel as if I have known you forever is the undeniable connection between a Mommy and her baby. From before the beginning of time God chose me to be your Mommy-your steward on this earth. And I am so glad he did. I longed for a family for as long as I can remember. I have always felt that being a Mommy was my true calling. And here I am. I am incredibly blessed to be your Mommy. I take raising you as my highest calling, my biggest challenge and responsibility and a great privilege.
Already you want so much to be part of the action. You want to nap in the middle of the chaos and actually sleep better in a bouncy seat in the living room amidst your brother and sister playing and running around than if I put you in another room to nap. (That is something I have to work on. ) You want to be held a lot and you want to be able to look around at everything that is going on with wide eyes and a craned neck. I can tell already how much you love people because you are not really too happy if you are not getting attention. Good thing for you there are plenty of people in your life who want to give you love and attention. In fact, you are rarely left alone! The excitement about you being here still has not waned for Braxton and Hayleigh. They still greet you with the same vigor every morning and will regularly (and spontaneously) smother you will kisses, hugs and sweet high pitched words. They really cannot help themselves. Usually you are pretty chill about it but sometimes you have had enough.
You are such a sweet girl. You are the queen of the smirk (so cute) and the little lip tremor when you are crying. From the time you were a week old you would coo and “talk” to us. You even giggled for the first time a couple weeks ago and then again a handful of times since. Your first giggle was for me of coarse because clearly I am hilarious. You continue to be very interactive for such a young baby. I chalk it up to a couple of very hands on teachers! I love to sit with you and chat and see your big smiles. Even the third time around it is just as sweet and wonderful because it is you. I consider the smiles of a baby, my baby that I grew inside me from scratch, to be some of God’s greatest gifts. There is something just so wonderfully indescribable about a baby’s smiles. Your smiles make my heart happy.
There is already a special place carved out in my heart for you. I love you so much. Everyday you’re a light to our home. You are a perfect addition to our family and I could not imagine how life would be without you. Our family wouldn’t be whole and I wouldn’t be whole without you, sweet girl. Although I really would be fine if you stayed little forever (get used to hearing that), I am excited to see how you grow and develop into a unique person. I have so much left to discover when it comes to you and the journey promises to be fun, exciting and full of love.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with Nana looking through her drawer of old school papers, crafts and notes etc. that Rylie, Jayna and I had given her over the years. I love the relationship I have with my mom. I love that we can laugh together, cry together and talk about anything together. We are so close. She is truly one of my best friends. I even made a drawing in first grade about my best friend and chose my Mom. I hope that someday we can be that close. I want so badly to cultivate a relationship with you where you are comfortable coming to me with anything. My mom and I have very similar personalities. Maybe you and I will too. Maybe we won’t-which would be okay too of coarse. I just hope that even if our personalities, interests, and take on things differ that we can still connect at our hearts and have a special bond that is only ours. I want for us to someday be best friends too and enjoy each other's company so much that the hours fly by. I want to be the one you run to with exciting news that is spilling out of you and in those times when you can’t hold the tears back any longer I want to be the one who you open the flood gates for. I know the biggest reason Nana and I have such a wonderful relationship is because of her. She was and is an incredible mom-one of the most loving and sacrificial people I know. I hope I can emulate that in my own mothering. I love you so much already, my sweet Roycie girl. I am excited for what the future holds for us and what our love story will be.