a letter to my son

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Oh Braxton, how I love you! How your chubby, happy, silly, squishy little face makes me smile. You are so full of life. Everything you do, you do with vigor. Sometimes I wish you had a little less vigor…hehe, but mostly I love to watch you attack life. You do not do anything half way whether that is running and playing, or expressing your feelings, or showering us with affection. I love that you are such a lovey boy-so unafraid to give and receive touch and affection. I hope you stay that way because that is part of the core of who you are.

You keep me working throughout the day and you keep me working on myself as well. God gave each of my children to me in part to reveal things about myself that I didn’t know or to show me areas in my life that I needed to improve on. I am thankful for the ways that you cause me to be molded to be more like Christ. Sometimes you are quite the challenge for me. I think this is something you enjoy. But through the challenge I see a strong little man who God entrusted to me to raise for Him, which is the ultimate challenge. I love that God made you that way. I love that you are affectionate. I love that you are expressive and that everything you do is definitive and full of enthusiasm. I love that you are opinionated and inquisitive and energetic. These are qualities you certainly got from your dad and qualities that sometimes I wish I had more of. I pray for the ability to guide you and mold those attributes into something that honors God and furthers His kingdom. I am really excited to see how God will use the dichotomy of you-the “push the envelope” characteristics and the incredibly tender, sensitive and affectionate character traits. You are such a complete person. It is beautiful to see you emerging.
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I have been so proud of you and how you have adjusted to being a big brother. You just adore Royce. You greet her every morning with “HIII-LLLLOOO BAAABBBBYYY!” and a hug that borders on a body slam. You are protective of her too. Whenever she cries you want to know why and often hover around her until she has calmed down or you are convinced that she will be okay. Sometimes your aggressive love is the reason for her crying, but you don’t seem, to catch on as you lay your head on her saying “oooh its okay, Boycie”. Whenever she sneezes I hear you say, even from another room, “Bess you, girl!” You love to give her nosies, which consists basically of you rubbing your snot all over her face, but I let you because it is so darn cute and I don’t want to kill your sweet nature.

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Now that you are sandwiched in between two sisters it will be interesting to see how you exert your “boy-ness”. When we found out that Royce was a girl I instantly felt a deeper connection to you-my boy. So often the middle child gets the short end of the stick or feels that they lack identity in the family. I think its cool because you are not “just” a middle child-you are our boy, and identity all your own.  I am learning the whole world of boys as I go. But I am thrilled that you are my teacher! I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful boy. I am just so thankful that God chose me to be your mommy when He could have chose anyone else. I feel so undeserving yet so greedy to have you as my own. I could never imagine my life without you, my sweet boy. You brighten my days, teach me things that no one else could and fill my heart to bursting with love and joy. I feel that in giving me you God gave me something that I didn’t know I needed but now could never  be whole without. You have blessed me in ways I can’t even articulate with mere words.

You are one of God’s greatest gifts to me on a daily basis. You fill me up in areas I never knew we empty. You reach portions of me that only you could touch. You test me and teach me and satisfy inner longings in me that God created only you to satisfy. You make me more complete. You make me stronger. You make me fall on Christ in my weakness. You make me happier. You make me wiser. You make me deeper. You make me more full of love. You make me more compassionate. You make me take myself less seriously. You make me focus on what really matters. You make me cry. You make me laugh and certainly you make me smile. You are the “oy” in my “joy.” And I love you like I love no one else.

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I am excited to see what God has planned for the next chapters in our story, my B.  There is really and truly a place in my heart all your own. I love you so incredibly much. I hope you always know that to be true.


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