a year.

A whole new year started just three days ago .Today also marks Peter’s one year anniversary of working at his current job. There are a lot of thoughts going through my mind as I ponder those statements. As I get them from my mind to “paper” they are sure to be jumbled so bear with me (or don’t).  I am still so incredibly thankful to God for providing this job for him. After years of waiting for a break (for Peter to find a job that we knew was more than a stop-gap) and after six months of waiting on the all but promised position at his current company, to say this job was an answer to prayer is only touching the tip of the iceberg. During the years of struggling to make ends meet, countless rest-less, stress-ful nights, thousands of prayers, and those six months of waiting and testing we learned a few essential things. God finally broke through my worrisome nature and taught me what it meant to really trust Him, to really rely on Him day to day, moment to moment, for our physical, material needs, but for our spiritual and emotional needs as well. You would have thought that the months and years of other family, relationship, mental health and financial issues would have taught me that, but I guess I am more stubborn than I had previously known. I am grateful that God stuck with me and kept at it-breaking down my pride and doubt until I was left with no where to turn but to Him. And I did. Every day I fell into the welcoming, reassuring, comforting arms of my Father. I buried my head in Him and hid from every haunting thought of doubt or worry, until I really understood what Paul meant in Philippians 4:6-7 when he says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” It is funny because I had claimed those verses so many other times in my life, but had never really experienced that peace in the midst of trials or strife for any extended period of time until the summer and fall of 2010. It was then, when we were struggling to pay our bills, expecting our second child, and waiting on God to take us out of “limbo land” in relation to Peter’s job that I felt a calm that was contrary to any circumstance we found ourselves in. In those moments it was actually a wonderful place to be, despite what we “should” have been experiencing. I am so thankful to God for bringing us through that time. Not only did it teach us valuable lessons we can take with us throughout the rest of our lives, but it made our present situation with Peter’s new job that much sweeter.

I am also incredibly thankful for a husband who works as hard as Peter does. He has always been a hard worker-something he learned from his parents. The difference now though is that he doesn’t have to work two jobs so we can pay our bills. Oh, he would if he still had to. That is the man I married-the same man who promised me when we were 16 or 17 years old and talking on instant messenger that whatever it took, I would be able to be home with our babies. People can say what they want about Peter, (and perhaps some people in the past have thought he didn’t take things seriously or was not going to amount to anything because he didn’t finish college) but let me tell you something, there is no one, no one, who could take better care of me and our kids. There is no one who could take more seriously their job to provide for his family and there is no one I would trust besides him with my heart.  Through everything we have been through in the over ten years we have been together I have never doubted his love and devotion to me, to his family and to his God. Many times he has modeled God for me, even when at times I had difficulty feeling the presence of God anywhere else in my life. His faithfulness, reliability, and care make him easy to trust, easy to love and easy to respect. I am so blessed to be his wife and best friend. The fact that one year ago today he stated a new job that he actually enjoys and excels at is just icing on the cake. When we got married we knew we wouldn’t have much money and we were fine with that. It seemed exciting starting out with next to nothing and making a go at it together. In the 4+ years since it has not always been that rosy. There have been a lot of unexpected and challenging circumstances, but I try not to forget that despite not having much in the way of money and material possessions, we are pretty rich. I can sometimes use the reminder of what it felt like to be so invigorated by love and excitement for life that nothing else really mattered. I count myself blessed beyond what I deserve to be married to Peter and to have the life we dreamed of for so long. Everything else is just fluff to me.

Another thought I am (once again) struck with is how fast time goes. A year. A year! A year? At this time last year I was battling customer service representatives in India to secure our Cobra coverage. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with a son I had never met but already loved, and was a little leery about the thought of having two children and “screwing up” the wonderful life I at home with my precious girl. At the same time I was lamenting the fact that that same girl was about to turn two. Now I find myself head over heels in love with the sweetest, most lovey 10 month old boy ever, in awe watching my almost three year old prance, sing and twirl in a world all her own, and am most definitely NOT pregnant. We are still in the same house. Part of me hoped that maybe we would be house hunting by now, but oh well, that will have to wait a bit longer. I am sometimes overwhelmed with how fast this year has gone by-as in every time I think about it I am still floored by the brevity of life and the lightning quickness of each moment. The other day we are driving past the hospital where the kids were born and Hayleigh said “Ooooh, that’s where I was when I was in your belly!” I smiled but couldn’t help but choke back tears as I thought “when on earth did you get big enough to not be inside my belly anymore? To be a big sister of a baby who is also big enough to not be in my belly anymore? To be (gulp) dare I say it, a preschooler?" I feel like this past year has gone even faster than the ones before it.

A year ago today.
The highlight of my year.


Where will another year take us? I have hopes and plans. But if there is something I have learned throughout the past couple years of my life its that a.) my plans really mean nothing as far as what will pan out in reality and b.) I am a child of a gracious God who has my best interests in mind and directs my paths in the most wise and loving way possible. I hope that in a year from now I can look back and say that despite the inevitable trials and disappointments that I have kept a godly perspective, soaked up the moments with my amazing husband and children, matured as a person and grown in my relationship with God, enjoyed life, and made the lives of others better. I hope I can look back with fondness on this next chapter of our lives. I will always be a sentimental person. I still struggle with clinging to the moments and people I love as time tears them from my clenched hands. I don’t know if I will ever be able to look at how quickly time goes and be completely reconciled to it, especially when it is in relation to how quickly my babies are growing up. But maybe this year I will be better at “rolling with it” and instead of mourning the passage of time I will rejoice in what new and wonderful things are in store. Here is to 2012, whatever it may bring I know the Author of my story remains the same amidst a world that is ever changing and fleeting!

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