The Down Hill Climb

So, I am having a bit of a Mommy-meltdown today. It's nothing too serious and I have been feeling it coming for weeks now as I watched the days cross themselves off the calender. So, no this did not take me by surprise. And yes, I am again mourning the passage of time. Today Braxton is 6 months old.



Two weeks ago Hayleigh also had her half birthday. What's the problem? Well, in my sentimental- overly emotional-worrisome-sometimes pessimistic-mind the half birthday means that the following day they are closer to one and three YEARS old, than an infant and a two year old. I almost see it as a down hill descent to their birthdays. Is this rational? No. Does it help matters? Of coarse not! But every now and then I feel these emotions creeping up inside me. I feel my fists tighten as if I am trying to grasp on to something I was never meant to control, time. I feel my eyes swell with hot tears as I must admit what I already knew to be true: my babies are growing up, and try as I might, cry as I might, I can't prevent it.



I know from experience with Hayleigh that the upcoming months and toddler years are much more fun for me than the infant months. I love to watch as babies discover new things, interact more and more and their little (or in the case of my kids BIG) personalities emerge. I know all this lies ahead for Braxton, so I am actually pretty excited. I am enthralled watching Hayleigh as she grows too. She is such a sweet, funny, enthusiastic and loving little girl. (gulp..."little girl"). Everyday she amazes me, teaches me, and warms my heart. I have no reason to believe that this will stop any time soon. I think it is just the nature of time that tends to upset me, not necessarily the immediate future. I reason that if these past months and years have gone by at such warp speed, how am I ever going to slow them down? (I am not.) Before I know it Hayleigh will be in kindergarten! (And this is clearly the end of the world since I am the first mother ever to have a child reach school age.) Could this also be partially about losing control? (Oh, probably. Okay, most definitely.)
I guess all I can do is to accept the inevitable once again and try to be purposeful with each day, each hour. I knew before they were born what my role was, in theory. I am a steward of their lives while they are here on earth and in my home. A steward by nature realizes that these things are not their own. They belong to someone else. My children belong to God. I am privileged and blessed enough to be given the gift of raising them. When I keep this perspective it takes me from a place of pity and helplessness to a place of gratitude and reliance on God.



I know this time in my life right now is precious. I will always look back on these months and years with fondness. So rather than spend any more moments dreading time doing what time is meant to do, I will make the most of the moments I do have right now. I will cherish, teach, learn, laugh, cuddle, kiss, explore, play, discipline, pray, and do all the other things mommies do. I will get it right. I will screw up horribly. Hopefully though, through it all I will point my children to their perfect Heavenly Father, who so graciously, wondrously gave me these little lives to mold. Oh! And I will plan their birthday party. It is already in the works. I mean time is ticking right?

6 comments:

  1. Love your perspective Emily! And you are right, it's so easy to want to control things we were never meant to. Your kids are such cuties! I love your pics and comments about them - I just know you are cherishing every moment. Before you know it, they will be in youth group with me ;) lol
    ~Holly

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  2. Hey, mucho props for the blog here. I really like the design. As somebody who just started my own blog, this made me realize that I need to step my game up.
    AAron G.

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  3. Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog! I really appreciate it, these are darling pictures! I awarded you a couple awards on my blog. Check it out if you get a sec!

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  4. Oliver just turned 18 months. Number two is due in three months - time seems to be flying. Moreso now than before I had kid(s). This is such a great post Emily, and so very true. Your pictures are adorable and so are your children.

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  5. Love you my friend! I feel like I've already missed Mac's whole first year and I'm WITH him 24/7!

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  6. Tears/guilt are welling up at the thought of our little ones' six month marker. I am too busy to enjoy it. I keep thinking, "I better treasure this" as I wake up in the night, etc., since I may never have a little baby ever again. How can this feeling be prevented? If even Ashley feels this way, I have no hope, as I sit writing this from my desk at work.

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