The Down Hill Climb

So, I am having a bit of a Mommy-meltdown today. It's nothing too serious and I have been feeling it coming for weeks now as I watched the days cross themselves off the calender. So, no this did not take me by surprise. And yes, I am again mourning the passage of time. Today Braxton is 6 months old.

Two weeks ago Hayleigh also had her half birthday. What's the problem? Well, in my sentimental- overly emotional-worrisome-sometimes pessimistic-mind the half birthday means that the following day they are closer to one and three YEARS old, than an infant and a two year old. I almost see it as a down hill descent to their birthdays. Is this rational? No. Does it help matters? Of coarse not! But every now and then I feel these emotions creeping up inside me. I feel my fists tighten as if I am trying to grasp on to something I was never meant to control, time. I feel my eyes swell with hot tears as I must admit what I already knew to be true: my babies are growing up, and try as I might, cry as I might, I can't prevent it.

I know from experience with Hayleigh that the upcoming months and toddler years are much more fun for me than the infant months. I love to watch as babies discover new things, interact more and more and their little (or in the case of my kids BIG) personalities emerge. I know all this lies ahead for Braxton, so I am actually pretty excited. I am enthralled watching Hayleigh as she grows too. She is such a sweet, funny, enthusiastic and loving little girl. (gulp..."little girl"). Everyday she amazes me, teaches me, and warms my heart. I have no reason to believe that this will stop any time soon. I think it is just the nature of time that tends to upset me, not necessarily the immediate future. I reason that if these past months and years have gone by at such warp speed, how am I ever going to slow them down? (I am not.) Before I know it Hayleigh will be in kindergarten! (And this is clearly the end of the world since I am the first mother ever to have a child reach school age.) Could this also be partially about losing control? (Oh, probably. Okay, most definitely.)
I guess all I can do is to accept the inevitable once again and try to be purposeful with each day, each hour. I knew before they were born what my role was, in theory. I am a steward of their lives while they are here on earth and in my home. A steward by nature realizes that these things are not their own. They belong to someone else. My children belong to God. I am privileged and blessed enough to be given the gift of raising them. When I keep this perspective it takes me from a place of pity and helplessness to a place of gratitude and reliance on God.

I know this time in my life right now is precious. I will always look back on these months and years with fondness. So rather than spend any more moments dreading time doing what time is meant to do, I will make the most of the moments I do have right now. I will cherish, teach, learn, laugh, cuddle, kiss, explore, play, discipline, pray, and do all the other things mommies do. I will get it right. I will screw up horribly. Hopefully though, through it all I will point my children to their perfect Heavenly Father, who so graciously, wondrously gave me these little lives to mold. Oh! And I will plan their birthday party. It is already in the works. I mean time is ticking right?


  1. Love your perspective Emily! And you are right, it's so easy to want to control things we were never meant to. Your kids are such cuties! I love your pics and comments about them - I just know you are cherishing every moment. Before you know it, they will be in youth group with me ;) lol

  2. Hey, mucho props for the blog here. I really like the design. As somebody who just started my own blog, this made me realize that I need to step my game up.
    AAron G.

  3. Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog! I really appreciate it, these are darling pictures! I awarded you a couple awards on my blog. Check it out if you get a sec!

  4. Oliver just turned 18 months. Number two is due in three months - time seems to be flying. Moreso now than before I had kid(s). This is such a great post Emily, and so very true. Your pictures are adorable and so are your children.

  5. Love you my friend! I feel like I've already missed Mac's whole first year and I'm WITH him 24/7!

  6. Tears/guilt are welling up at the thought of our little ones' six month marker. I am too busy to enjoy it. I keep thinking, "I better treasure this" as I wake up in the night, etc., since I may never have a little baby ever again. How can this feeling be prevented? If even Ashley feels this way, I have no hope, as I sit writing this from my desk at work.


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