Cameras, Mental pictures and the Pace of life






I came across this on pinterest today. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to take pictures, some may say too many pictures (my husband as I make him pose until I get just the one I want, friends who see me upload dozens to facebook). It is true, I love to take pictures. I love to share pictures. I love to scrapbook pictures. I love to just sit and look at pictures. I think perhaps one of the main reasons for my passion (obsession) is just what this quotation says, pictures stay the same when the people are changing.

I have spent most of my life wishing time away, trying to get to the next grade in school, the next weekend, the next season, the next stage of my life. My mom always told me this was true of me, but I did not know how to stop myself. I attribute my discontentment to a combination of not choosing to be happy in my circumstances and also that my passion, life calling and desire of my heart was having a family of my own, which I did not have at the time. I felt an aching need to be a wife and a mommy. This was something that not many of my peers could relate to since they were enjoying being in elementary school (yes my desire started that young) and high school.

Anyway, it was sadly normal for me to be looking ahead, wishing my life away. It became something I was accustomed to, perhaps even at times blind to. It was so normal that I did not really have enough perspective to really recognize this tendency until it was gone. As soon as my daughter Hayleigh was born, all desires to speed life up vanished and were instantly replaced with a urge to pause my life right where it was. For the first time I could remember the aching inside of me was gone, replaced with deep contentment and fulfillment. God had given me the desire of my heart. I knew what it meant to say "my cup runneth over". I think our natural tendency in times like that is to want to stay right there in that moment or stage of life and never leave the feel good, sun-shiney-ness.

If I did not know already that this was not possible, I learned quickly. Everyone says to you that life goes by quicker when you have a kid, (you know the phrase: "in the blink of an eye"). Well as any new parent I experienced this first hand. It seemed that yet again I was not happy with the pace of life. I knew there was no use dwelling on this reality so I purposed to learn to be happy living in the moment I was in. I think a big part of that for me is taking pictures. I don't just take pictures with my camera, I also take mental pictures. When I find myself in a moment that I wish would last forever and I start mourning its passing before the time has even come, I relish the moment by capturing it in my mind. These times usually come when I am cuddling, playing or laughing with my babies. So instead of crying over the fact that all these moments are fleeting, I store the memories, either on film or in my head, and shed a happy tear later in recollection. I do this because as the quotation above says, people change all too fast, especially our little ones. This is my way of savoring the moments that give me a lump in my throat as I am overcome by joy and marvel at the Desires of my heart, living and breathing in front of me. It is my way of processing it all. And its my way of learning, albeit clumsily, to live in the moment.

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